After taking the EQ test, I scored a 123. According to the site, it said my emotional intelligence is good, and I have little trouble understanding and dealing with their own emotions and those of others. I agree with these findings because I generally able to overcome difficulties in my life and control my mood most of the time. In addition, I am able to motivate myself without help of others. According to the article “Teaching Emotional Intelligence In The Business School Curriculum,” by Frank Bellizzi, it states that the ability to the manage ones interactions and emotions with others is a key to effective leadership.
After listening to a speech by Henry Weisinger, about emotional intelligence he inspired to me to take action in learning in emotions and how they affect your life. He provided us 10 tips to improve our emotional intelligence, which are:
1. Learn to listen to how you talk to others
2. Use your thoughts as instructional self statements
3. Be aware of your intentions
4. Observer your behavior
5. Relax
6. Generate humor
7. Become a good problem solver
8. Practice the power of positive criticism
9. Listen and use the message of emotions
10. Make tasks underwhelming.
I decided that I need to work on my EQ improvements and the top two I think are most important are to be learn to listen how you talk to others and to generate humor. The first, learn to listen to how you talk to others is important because sometimes you could be saying something you don’t want to say or mean it different way, especially thought nonverbal communication. People can pick up on certain things, you don’t even notice about yourself so its very important to be aware of what your doing. The second, to generate humor I feel is very difficult because people think different things are funny. In addition, humor can be two sided, like for example sarcasm is meant to be funny but sometimes people don’t think it is. However, if used correctly humor could be the difference of you getting a job on an interview compared to someone else. As an education major, I need to know how to manage my emotional intelligence in the benefit for my students. By taking these tips into consideration, I can create a better learning environment for my students in the long run.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Interpersonal Communication and Conflict
Communication conflict is daily occurrence in life, and it’s necessarily not a bad thing. Many people think it is the content that is important in conflict but I have to realize that if we learn to communicate better in conflict, we could have less conflict or at least more valuable and constructive conversations. In result, when conflict occurs the relationship, whether it be between family, co-works, peers, friends, or significant others, the relationship is either weakened or strengthened. Thus, I believe with better understanding of how to approach conflict that the relationship has a better chance of being strengthen and this conflict was rewarding.
Personally, when in conflict with someone who means a lot to me, I know my response style is getting mad and/or blaming the other person because honestly, who wants to be the one at fault? I’ve learned not only from this article but in the past as well that this response only irritates the situation and is unhealthy choice. This situation is an example of symmetrical escalation, which is when partners decide to increase the intensity of the conflict. However, even though I may get mad at someone, eventually I have to try to resolve it. According to the article, I used the “I’ technique and the exploration technique. It is actually a little contradictory, when I realized how I argue with people. First I blame them, and then eventually see the truth in my actions if they were wrong. I also noticed I try to explore the situation deeper, and what happened especially if the conflict is about a “private content conflict.” These techniques are considered to be healthy ways to approach conflict. In addition, I liked at the end of the article, the author offers a healthy and “rationale way of resolving conflicts” in interpersonal conflicts. I feel these techniques are very valuable because most of the conflicts are between two people.
Conflict is unavoidable and inevitable in our daily life and it could with anyone you encounter during the day. As we are becoming interpersonal communication experts, we need to realize that everyone is different and will approach conflict differently.
Personally, when in conflict with someone who means a lot to me, I know my response style is getting mad and/or blaming the other person because honestly, who wants to be the one at fault? I’ve learned not only from this article but in the past as well that this response only irritates the situation and is unhealthy choice. This situation is an example of symmetrical escalation, which is when partners decide to increase the intensity of the conflict. However, even though I may get mad at someone, eventually I have to try to resolve it. According to the article, I used the “I’ technique and the exploration technique. It is actually a little contradictory, when I realized how I argue with people. First I blame them, and then eventually see the truth in my actions if they were wrong. I also noticed I try to explore the situation deeper, and what happened especially if the conflict is about a “private content conflict.” These techniques are considered to be healthy ways to approach conflict. In addition, I liked at the end of the article, the author offers a healthy and “rationale way of resolving conflicts” in interpersonal conflicts. I feel these techniques are very valuable because most of the conflicts are between two people.
Conflict is unavoidable and inevitable in our daily life and it could with anyone you encounter during the day. As we are becoming interpersonal communication experts, we need to realize that everyone is different and will approach conflict differently.
Self Disclosure and Social Networking
After reading the article entitled, “ Social Networking: Are we revealing too much,” I questioned whether I’m disclosing too much. These horror stories that were discussed, many think this can’t happen to them, but it can. Maureen Paperella assumed that adding a friend she went to school with would be harmless. However, one of them turned out to be a burglar and after tracking her life through Facebook posts and updates, they broke into her house and stole 10,000 worth of Maureen’s valuables.
This opened to my eyes to ugly truth of social networks, and how some people aren’t looking to reconnect with friends or catch-up but something more. Another horror story mentioned was the recent one with the homosexual student at Rutgers. This student was publicly humiliated through the means of social networking, by two other students who are now being charged for invasion of privacy.
There has been recent attention on social networking about the positives and negatives. In addition, we need to understand the difference between public and private information in relation to what we are posting. I’ve learned that social networking has become a convenient way to live and has become just apart of out regular routine. There aren’t many college students who come home, and don’t check their Facebook. Our generation is very trusting and ready to take the plunge into disclosing information. I feel that with this learned knowledge, we should embrace social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter, however, be conscious of the repercussions of them if not used wisely.
This opened to my eyes to ugly truth of social networks, and how some people aren’t looking to reconnect with friends or catch-up but something more. Another horror story mentioned was the recent one with the homosexual student at Rutgers. This student was publicly humiliated through the means of social networking, by two other students who are now being charged for invasion of privacy.
There has been recent attention on social networking about the positives and negatives. In addition, we need to understand the difference between public and private information in relation to what we are posting. I’ve learned that social networking has become a convenient way to live and has become just apart of out regular routine. There aren’t many college students who come home, and don’t check their Facebook. Our generation is very trusting and ready to take the plunge into disclosing information. I feel that with this learned knowledge, we should embrace social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter, however, be conscious of the repercussions of them if not used wisely.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Styles of Listening
I think I would describe my listening style as “people centered.” I am usually focused on what others think and feel in relation to the conversation. When working with others, I try to compromise and hear them out. In addition, I feel that is it hard to have a positive conversation if you are not understanding of the other person’s feelings.
I learned this listening style from my grandmother because in my family she is the person who listens to everyone’s problems. This may seem like a burden to some but she really enjoys listening and helping them. Throughout the years, she has helped me with many problems and I have sensed a feeling of compassion and understanding while speaking to her. It might be a “grandmother” thing to take on this role, however, I feel she really has taught me how to become a listener who cares.
In most interactions, I feel this is one of the best approaches to take in a conversation because no one wants to talk to someone and not be heard. In addition, I feel this style is most appropriate for friends and family because you usually are speaking on a more personal level. However, when speaking to someone of authority like an employer or teacher, another approach might be more appropriate like “content centered.” Thus, I feel different listening styles are appropriate for when having a conversation with certain people and certain topics.
Whenever I am speaking to one of my guy friends, they always start to talk about current sports. However, my listening approach, “ people centered” doesn’t really work in this situation because their conversation is more content and time centered. When speaking with them I know I have to change my approach to keep up with all the stats and games they are talking about.
I learned this listening style from my grandmother because in my family she is the person who listens to everyone’s problems. This may seem like a burden to some but she really enjoys listening and helping them. Throughout the years, she has helped me with many problems and I have sensed a feeling of compassion and understanding while speaking to her. It might be a “grandmother” thing to take on this role, however, I feel she really has taught me how to become a listener who cares.
In most interactions, I feel this is one of the best approaches to take in a conversation because no one wants to talk to someone and not be heard. In addition, I feel this style is most appropriate for friends and family because you usually are speaking on a more personal level. However, when speaking to someone of authority like an employer or teacher, another approach might be more appropriate like “content centered.” Thus, I feel different listening styles are appropriate for when having a conversation with certain people and certain topics.
Whenever I am speaking to one of my guy friends, they always start to talk about current sports. However, my listening approach, “ people centered” doesn’t really work in this situation because their conversation is more content and time centered. When speaking with them I know I have to change my approach to keep up with all the stats and games they are talking about.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Technology and Interpersonal Communication
Assumption #1: The computer screen can deceive
The Internet is an easy place to deceive people because do you really know who is sitting at the other end of that connection? Do people really portray themselves for who they really are? This assumption directly relates to Facebook because it is easy to lie about your information and post deceiving pictures. For example, I know for my Facebook page, I pick the picture I like the most and what I want to portray. In result, I get to choose how people see me, which can influence them. All you need to sign up is an email address and you can start “facebooking” instantly. On Facebook, they ask for you name, age, interest, hometown, and much more and who’s stopping anyone of lying? From personal experience, I know people who created fake accounts to friend someone who wouldn’t be friends with them if they knew who they really are. With the creation of all these social networks, people need to be aware of what they post, and whom they are revealing that information to.
Assumption #2: Online discussions often prompt introspection
This assumption explains how people send messages to each other through Facebook. When sending messages to each other through Facebook, you have time to sit and reflect on the discussion and what you should reply back. However, in a real face-to-face conversation, you don’t have that time to reflect on what you’re going to say. This type of communication had its positives and negatives because it might be better to sit down and think about the situation especially if you are in a fight with someone but on the other hand, if you are in a fight with someone, you cant see their nonverbal and verbal communication.
Assumption #3: Online discussions promote self-orientation
This assumption applies to the idea that your Facebook is yours. You create, and post information that you want people to see. In addition, you decide whom you want to be friends with, what your friends can see, and what groups you want to join. You have the ability to create a persona online with all these different tools.
Assumption #4: Self- Disclosure occurs online
With all these tools, you can choose what information you want people to see. For me personally, I choose not to reveal a lot of information to people who aren’t my friends. Furthermore, I choose to hide my pictures, birthday, hometown, and my last name because I like to keep the details in my life private. On the other hand, I know many of my friends who post their phone number, email, and have all of their information public for anyone to see.
Other Concepts:
Screen Names: Many might not realize that screen names, and email addresses are things that still portray an image of you. In our day and age, many colleges and employers use online resumes and applications. In result, these people see your email address and if it is distasteful or offensive, it could turn that potential employer off.
Abbreviated language: Over the years, there has been a revolution on the new Internet language. This includes the popular “loll,” “omg,” “brb,” and many many more. These words have created a lot of problems within communication because some people do not understand that kind of jargon. These problems occur within the age-gap because many older men and women don’t understand this slang. For example, when I text my parents I have to make sure I don’t use these words because then they will call and be confused about my messages.
Write Literally: This concept stresses the idea that whatever you post online, someone can take that information and interpret it a different way. For example, when communicating through Facebook messaging, when writing a message it is hard to express your idea to the other person without using hand gestures or nonverbal communication. Furthermore, when the message is sent there is a possibility the receiver can interpret the message wrong, and there’s a break in communication.
The Internet is an easy place to deceive people because do you really know who is sitting at the other end of that connection? Do people really portray themselves for who they really are? This assumption directly relates to Facebook because it is easy to lie about your information and post deceiving pictures. For example, I know for my Facebook page, I pick the picture I like the most and what I want to portray. In result, I get to choose how people see me, which can influence them. All you need to sign up is an email address and you can start “facebooking” instantly. On Facebook, they ask for you name, age, interest, hometown, and much more and who’s stopping anyone of lying? From personal experience, I know people who created fake accounts to friend someone who wouldn’t be friends with them if they knew who they really are. With the creation of all these social networks, people need to be aware of what they post, and whom they are revealing that information to.
Assumption #2: Online discussions often prompt introspection
This assumption explains how people send messages to each other through Facebook. When sending messages to each other through Facebook, you have time to sit and reflect on the discussion and what you should reply back. However, in a real face-to-face conversation, you don’t have that time to reflect on what you’re going to say. This type of communication had its positives and negatives because it might be better to sit down and think about the situation especially if you are in a fight with someone but on the other hand, if you are in a fight with someone, you cant see their nonverbal and verbal communication.
Assumption #3: Online discussions promote self-orientation
This assumption applies to the idea that your Facebook is yours. You create, and post information that you want people to see. In addition, you decide whom you want to be friends with, what your friends can see, and what groups you want to join. You have the ability to create a persona online with all these different tools.
Assumption #4: Self- Disclosure occurs online
With all these tools, you can choose what information you want people to see. For me personally, I choose not to reveal a lot of information to people who aren’t my friends. Furthermore, I choose to hide my pictures, birthday, hometown, and my last name because I like to keep the details in my life private. On the other hand, I know many of my friends who post their phone number, email, and have all of their information public for anyone to see.
Other Concepts:
Screen Names: Many might not realize that screen names, and email addresses are things that still portray an image of you. In our day and age, many colleges and employers use online resumes and applications. In result, these people see your email address and if it is distasteful or offensive, it could turn that potential employer off.
Abbreviated language: Over the years, there has been a revolution on the new Internet language. This includes the popular “loll,” “omg,” “brb,” and many many more. These words have created a lot of problems within communication because some people do not understand that kind of jargon. These problems occur within the age-gap because many older men and women don’t understand this slang. For example, when I text my parents I have to make sure I don’t use these words because then they will call and be confused about my messages.
Write Literally: This concept stresses the idea that whatever you post online, someone can take that information and interpret it a different way. For example, when communicating through Facebook messaging, when writing a message it is hard to express your idea to the other person without using hand gestures or nonverbal communication. Furthermore, when the message is sent there is a possibility the receiver can interpret the message wrong, and there’s a break in communication.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Adaptation Theory
The adaptation theory suggests that individual’s simultaneously adapt their communication behaviors to each other. In the past I never really paid attention to what people do during a conversation, however, when I conducted my experiment I realized there are so many nonverbal and verbal gestures that take part of a simple conversation.
For my observations, I used one of my friends from home, one of my friends of school, and a friend of another sex. I choose these people because I thought it would be interesting to see how these 3 different types of people would conduct their conversation.
The first conversation was with a friend from Rider, and we discussed the problems with the water. I decided to start this conversation with how upset and annoyed I was with the situation, and soon enough she felt the same. As we started to get upset with the situation, I noticed with both used a lot of hand gestures to show that we agreed with one another. I felt that this conversation agreed with the theory because we made adjustments simultaneously in order to get our point across.
The second conversation I had was with a friend from home. Since I haven’t seen her in awhile, we were just catching up about what has been happening in our lives. This conversation was different because I felt there was more touching, including touching of the shoulders, and arms. Throughout the conversation, I noticed that there were less hand gestures and more facial and nonverbal gestures. After this conversation, I realized that not all parties tend to the make the same adjustments and it matters who and what your discussing.
The third conversation I had was with a male friend from Rider. I wanted to see if having a conversation with the different sex would make a difference. We also discussed the recent water problem. I noticed there weren’t too many differences because he was also bothered by the problem and felt the same about the situation. However, I noticed he used less hand gestures but expressed his feelings more verbally. Through these 3 different conversations, I found that all three people proved the theory right but they all had different ways of expressing it.
For my observations, I used one of my friends from home, one of my friends of school, and a friend of another sex. I choose these people because I thought it would be interesting to see how these 3 different types of people would conduct their conversation.
The first conversation was with a friend from Rider, and we discussed the problems with the water. I decided to start this conversation with how upset and annoyed I was with the situation, and soon enough she felt the same. As we started to get upset with the situation, I noticed with both used a lot of hand gestures to show that we agreed with one another. I felt that this conversation agreed with the theory because we made adjustments simultaneously in order to get our point across.
The second conversation I had was with a friend from home. Since I haven’t seen her in awhile, we were just catching up about what has been happening in our lives. This conversation was different because I felt there was more touching, including touching of the shoulders, and arms. Throughout the conversation, I noticed that there were less hand gestures and more facial and nonverbal gestures. After this conversation, I realized that not all parties tend to the make the same adjustments and it matters who and what your discussing.
The third conversation I had was with a male friend from Rider. I wanted to see if having a conversation with the different sex would make a difference. We also discussed the recent water problem. I noticed there weren’t too many differences because he was also bothered by the problem and felt the same about the situation. However, I noticed he used less hand gestures but expressed his feelings more verbally. Through these 3 different conversations, I found that all three people proved the theory right but they all had different ways of expressing it.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Nonverbal Immediacy Behaviors
I received a 102 a Nonverbal Immediacy Behavior, which is 2 points below average for college women. I was surprised that I was a little below average because I find myself using a lot of nonverbal communication throughout the day. I constantly gesture, touch other people’s shoulders, and always try to have eye contact with the other person. In addition, when having a conversation, I always try to use my body language, from positioning myself towards the speaker, leaning in, or sitting up straight.
Through these behaviors, I try to communicate that I’m an active listener and interested in what the speaker is talking about. However, I feel that it also matters whom I am speaking to. For example, if I am talking to a family member or friend, I find myself using more of these gestures, however, if I am only talking to an acquaintance I usually find myself using less nonverbal communication. I feel that I should try to use these types of nonverbal communication not only to my family and friends but to others as well. This will make me a more well rounded speaker and better listener
Through these behaviors, I try to communicate that I’m an active listener and interested in what the speaker is talking about. However, I feel that it also matters whom I am speaking to. For example, if I am talking to a family member or friend, I find myself using more of these gestures, however, if I am only talking to an acquaintance I usually find myself using less nonverbal communication. I feel that I should try to use these types of nonverbal communication not only to my family and friends but to others as well. This will make me a more well rounded speaker and better listener
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